College AU - 03. Two's Company

12:51 A.M. Adrian should have been sleeping, but instead he had found himself in the kitchen, standing over a whistling tea kettle. He’d not have minded this little inconvenience nearly as much if he didn’t have to be at work in 8 hours. He raised his glasses, and rubbed at his tired eyes before turning the heat off, and pouring the boiling contents over into the two ceramic mugs that lay in wait. He stole a glance past the counter and into the living room, where his guest sat, curled up in a ball, and not looking her usual, chipper self; a notably rare sight. Retrieving a spoon from the dish rack, he stirred the contents of the two cups, and discarded it into the sink.



He sighed tiredly to himself and trekked his way back to the living room to join her.



"Here you go."



A warm, gentle nudge to her knee grabbed her attention; she reached up and graciously took the cup from him, and with a huff, he occupied his former spot beside her on the sofa.



Sitting up late, chatting over cocoa, or tea, or tap water, like this was becoming a habit of theirs. The two sat, clad in wrinkly pajamas and mussed hair, indicative of unrestful or troubled slumber. Or, in Becca's case, no slumber at all; just tossing and turning, and the ghosts of her past decisions creeping up on her.



Her knees were drawn close against her chest, and a cozy fleece throw draped over her shoulders as her cold hands took in the warmth of the mug and its contents. "Thank you so much."



"Mhmm." He muttered, lifting the dead weight that was his legs up onto the cushion with him, and crossing them Indian-style. "Careful; it's really hot."



She nodded in understanding. "It smells nice. Chamomile?"



"I thought it might help you sleep."



His response surprised her a bit; sometimes she was taken back by just how courteous and thoughtful he could be. She met his gaze, and offered a warm smile as a show of gratitude. For an instant, she felt guilt chew at her conscience; perhaps this kindness was being taken advantage of. "I'm sorry."



"For what?"



"Feels like you're always dragging up at ridiculous hours to keep me company."



He chuckled and smirked ever so slightly. "It's fine. There's no need to apologize." Drawing a sip from the cup, and giving a small flinch as the contents burned his lip, he continued to speak. "Besides, it's not as if you force me into it. It's still my choice."

A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. "I guess so."



"Besides, it's sort of refreshing." he mulled.



She cocked her head. "How so?"



"I mean, I love Emi and Lind to death, but... sometimes it's nice not having to deal with their whole... newlyweds spiel." Becca said nothing in response, but the curious look she gave him spoke for her. He cast his eyes down in his search for a proper explanation. "They're about the only close friends I have. It just gets tiresome, I guess; feeling like the third wheel all the time. Feels like they only invite me along out of some... mutual obligation."



Becca's expression softened. "I'm sure they don't mean it that way."



"I'm sure they don't..." he muttered. "- but I know how it makes me feel." A silence weighed heavily on the room; Adrian grew quiet in contemplation, and Becca was simply at a loss for words. It wasn't common for him to open up in such a manner. Suddenly, though, she saw his eyes grow wide as he shot her a glance. "I don't mean anything bad by it, I-"



"It's fine. I didn't take it as such." She smiled to prove her point, but he still lowered his eyes in shame.



"I mean, I do... genuinely enjoy your company, and I'm... sorry if that sounded bad."



She placed a hand on his shoulder for reassurance. "Hey, it's alright. You sit and listen to me vent all the time; the least I could do is return the favor." She trailed off, and she took a sip from her cup. "Besides, I hardly think this is something you'd be comfortable venting to them about, am I right?"



He acknowledged her words with a simple nod.



"Everyone needs to have someone they can talk to... and I'm all ears."



He raised his eyes, surprised to find her beaming him a warm, genuine smile.



"Well, I..." he stammered on his words, unsure of how to continue. "I can usually just shrug them off, but lately, I just... certain things they'll say get under my skin."



"Like what?"



"Always picking on me about how they... 'need to find me a girl.'" He sat up, taking another sip of his tea. "And frankly it just irritates the shit out of me. Especially coming from Emilio, because he knows damn well it's a touchy subject."



She mulls over his words as she takes another swig from her cup; his apartment was a little chilly, and the tea had already cooled to a manageable temperature. Her attention quickly reverted back to his words, though, and her expectant eyes met his.



"I just... don't do relationships." He lowered his eyes. "One was enough for me."



The changes in his tone and his demeanor were apparent. Yes; it was almost painfully obvious that this was a sensitive topic. But, she couldn't help but wonder...



"What happened?" she whispered, eyes filled with concern. He said nothing; he avoided the eyes he knew were boring holes through him. "I-if you don't mind, th-that is. I'm sorry." She raised her hands in a gesture of apology; she felt terrible for having blurted out such a careless question.



"No; it's alright. It would be ridiculous for me to expect otherwise. It's just..." he glanced back up at her for a moment, before taking another drink. His eyes seemed to fixate on some invisible object in the sofa's upholstery. "It's not something I've talked about much, you know?"



She nodded solemnly, and listened intently as he continued to speak his peace.



"In retrospect, I guess it was pretty pathetic... to fall so head over heels for someone, at such a young age... to devote so much of yourself to one person, just for them to leave you a devastated mess." he lamented. "At that age, kids don't even know what 'love' is... but they sure as hell think they do. And I was no better. I mean... hell, I still don't know what love is. And I'm not sure I ever really want to."



Becca stewed on her words for a long moment before opening her mouth to respond. "You're... quite the pessimist, aren't you?"



"I'm not a pessimist. I'm a rationalist."



"With all due respect... that doesn't sound very rational to me. Isn't it sort of in a human's nature to... desire love and companionship?"



"Perhaps by society's standards, but is it really worth it, in the end? How many gambles does the average person take?" He asked her. "I mean... think about it. How many failed relationships does an average person go through before they finally settle?"



She found she couldn't really argue his point; how many 'happy couples' did she really know? Her parents, sure, but aside from them? She could have cited Lindsay and Emilio, but they were just getting started themselves, and no one could say for sure how their relationship would turn out either. The more she thought on it, the more rational it started to sound after all. But, she wondered, for an instant, if this was just part of the bitterness he was feeling as the 'third wheel' doing his talking.



"You know... not everyone's out to hurt you. You just have to be patient..." She finished her tea, and sat the empty cup on his coffee table, reclining back into her position and nestling herself further into the warm blanket. "Of course you're going to get hurt along the way... but that helps us to grow as people. And I mean... you hardly reach out to anyone. You seem to keep most people at arms' length..."



He watched her in silence as she spoke, taking the last few gulps from his own cup. Much to his dismay, he realized that given the current topic of discussion, the tea did little to calm his nerves.



"Why are you so afraid of letting people get close to you?" She whispered, her eyes filled with of concern and sincerity.



He lowered his gaze to the floor. "Because... I think I'd rather just spend the rest of my life alone than feel that pain again."



Becca felt a slight stinging in her eyes, and a dull ache in her chest. What a somber mindset, she mused. She searched her mind frantically for the right words, but she found herself having much difficulty.



"I mean, maybe... eventually, if I ever would feel comfortable enough with someone, I'd be willing to take the risk, but... I'm not sure that day will ever come. And it's no one's fault but my own. I'm just too afraid to take that chance."



Glancing back up at her, he found her meek form fidgeting nervously, a sad and lost look on her face; he could almost swear he thought he saw tears forming in her eyes. He waited for her to speak, but it was all in vain.



"I'm sorry." He stated flatly, concerned he had struck a nerve.



She shook her head. "Why are you sorry?"



"For upsetting you." His gaze began to drift away from hers. "I'm... sure this wasn't what you wanted to talk about."



For a long moment, she sat contemplating her choice of words. "After hearing what you just had to say... I'm actually kind of glad."



He looked back at her, a hint of surprise lighting his otherwise glum expression.



"I mean... you've opened your home to me on more than one occasion... and you're confiding all of this in me... so, I assume that means you trust me, right? Atleast to some extent?" She met his eyes, expecting a response; he gave her a small nod, and she flashed him a bittersweet smile. "I guess I should consider myself lucky, then. Not many people seem to get this privilege."



"Not to 'ruin the moment' or anything, but I... kind of felt obligated." He stammered, lowering his eyes shamefully. "I feel guilty for putting you into this situation."



Becca gave a gentle roll of the eyes. "I don't recall ever saying I'm sad to be in it." He was shocked to find her beaming him a smile. "And besides, it's not like you made me break up with him, and it's most certainly not your fault he's choosing to be such an asshole about the whole thing."



"But... what I said to you that day..."



"What you said to me that day only helped me to realize I needed to leave him. You have absolutely no reason to feel guilty. Besides," she mused. "- I'm able to focus on myself again, and I'm able to do what I want without having that short leash of his on my neck. And I've made some amazing new friends in the process." Her eyes found his, and she gave him a meaningful look. "And that even includes your awkward, gloomy ass."



He tried his best to keep a serious face, but he couldn't help but to chuckle, and neither could she. "Gee, thanks."



They sat in silence for a small time, an occasional chuckle escaping. Adrian's eyes fixated on the same invisible object that they had a while before as he contemplated her words. Her situation may not have been conventional, but she seemed happy enough there.

"Hey," she called, grabbing his full attention. "Am I really so scary?"



Tilting his head, he furrowed his brow; clearly, her allusion had evaded his grasp. She giggled, more amused by his expression than she should have been; she was fairly certain he had the most expressive eyebrows she had ever seen on another human being.



"I'm just saying that... even though you had your reasons, you chose to let me in, past that wall of yours. And has that turned out so bad?"



"Au contraire..." he noted, his lips gradually curving into a smile. "... mon ami."



She scrunched her nose in a silly manner. "Are you making a pass at me?"



"What? N-no!" His face showed great panic, as he shook his head to discount her claim. "It means 'on the contrary, my friend'; I thought everyone knew that!"



She simply couldn't keep her facade up; she burst out laughing at just how serious he had gotten so quickly. "It was a JOKE! Hahaha, oh my god, Adge, your FACE."



His expression dropped to a very unamused one as she continued her outburst. She raised a hand to her mouth to stifle her laughter; after settling down, she took a deep breath, and exhaled, finished with a contented sigh. The look on his face, in the meantime, had not flinched a muscle.



"Oh, calm down. I just wanted to hear you say it in english..." She waved her hand in a dismissive manner. "- my friend."



He felt foolish as she explained her motive, but it quickly brought a semblance of a pleasant expression back to that intense face of his.



"Anyways, all I'm trying to say is... maybe other people aren't so scary either. And maybe... just maybe..." she looked up into his eyes again. "- sometimes it's worth taking risks."



Another silence fell upon them; Adrian found himself left a little dumbfounded as he scrambled his brain trying to formulate a proper response. He simply couldn't. This girl... this new friend... she questioned him. She challenged him. She forced him to look inside himself and ask 'why'. And no one else in his life had really done that until she came along. She was gradually breaking him out of his comfort zone, and he couldn't exactly say that he disliked it.



"I'm sorry. I... I don't know what to say." he mumbled, traces of a silly, bemused smile on his face.



"You don't have to say anything." She chirped. "Just... think about it. Okay?"



"Yeah..."



"How about I make us some more tea?" She asks, gesturing towards their empty cups. He offered a nod, and she smiled, more than happy to oblige. His tired eyes trailed her movements; her dainty hands scooped up the mugs, and she toddled off to the kitchen to finish off the kettle of water.



"Hey... Beej?" He called out.



"Yeah?"



"... thank you."



"It's only fair. You made our first two cups."



He had to quell a laugh. "No, that's not what I-"



"Heh, I know. I was just playin' around. Here we go..." she rounded the counter, and made her way back into the living room to join him on the couch. She offered her kind smile as she handed him the steaming cup. "And you're most certainly welcome."



She occupied her previous spot, and raised the cup to her mouth to take a sip, giving a start as it scalded her tongue. "Yeowch!"



"Careful. It's really hot." He sarcastically reminded her.



Becca's nose scrunched, and Adrian felt a quick, albeit weak, slap against his arm. They exchanged looks, and he couldn't help but to chuckle at the pouty expression she wore. Her grimace soon dissolved into a grin, though; his laughter, when genuine, proved an infectious thing.



Their conversation took a lighter note this time around; their tea was gone before they knew it, and thankfully, it felt like it was finally taking its intended, relaxing effect. After a bit of bickering, Becca finally accepted his kind offer for her to sleep in the bedroom. He escorted her on his way to deposit their dishes in the sink, and checked to see if she needed anything before he bade her good night and retired to the couch.



But he didn't immediately fall asleep. For a long time, he lay there pondering her words, as he slowly drifted off. Perhaps his methods were somewhat 'overkill.' Maybe she was right after all. Besides, if more 'risks' turned out half as good as this one had... then maybe... just maybe... he'd find the courage to start taking more of them.